Every time a child says, "I don't believe in fairies," there is a fairy somewhere that falls down dead.
James Matthew Barrie, Peter Pan

Friday, August 31, 2012

waiting... and waiting

So I wait and wait and then I wait some more and all the while I feel a nervousness building up inside me that tears me to shreds. It's now been 10 long days since I had my blood drawn for the Down Syndrome test. 9 if you don't count the actual day of the draw - but 10 is a round number so I'm going with 10.  I've set out to accomplish greatness this week - anything to take my mind off the waiting game. But although I've done much it seems little. The laundry still sits waiting to be put away, the breakfast dishes still wait to be done int he sink - and my bedroom - after nearly a year here still waits to be painted.  So you see everything is on hold right now. So while I try to get a lot done to avoid thinking about waiting - everything else waits with me. I've stared at the damn phone around a million times this week, and even though the genetic lady told me to call Friday 4.30pm I left a message at 2pm. To no avail of course But there is a limit to my patience and I reached it ooh 4 days ago!

Saturday, August 25, 2012

being patient

Patience is a virtue, and certainly not my strong point! SO while I wait for test results and future tests I am knitting. a hat and half a cardigan so far this week.  Like any mother I look forward to getting the nursery ready for the baby, but this time I'm trying not to even think about it until after we have the heart scan the end of September. By that time I'll be approaching 7 months, so it'll be all systems go! In the meantime she will have a full wardrobe of cosy knits - just right for any winter bambino.

Thursday, August 23, 2012

thinking positively...

So of course with great joy, a baby, comes some amount of niggling worry. At least it always does for me. We had our anatomy scan yesterday and the Dr saw 2 markers for Down Syndrome. One was a 2 vessel umbilical cord, the other a bright spot on the heart. Apparently these on their own are not a huge cause for concern, but together they could signal a chromosomal issue with the baby. I did some blood tests which take a few weeks to come back - which will tell us if the baby has Down Syndrome - that with my stats of a 1 in 250'000 chance isn't likely. Then in 5 weeks I'm having an fetal ecg to check for abnormalities in the heart. If that's clear then all we have to worry about is the cord issue. I'll also be having a growth scan on that day. After 30 wks I'll have fortnightly growth scans and non stress tests etc. At 37 weeks I'll be having an amnio for lung maturity and if all well delivering then to avoid any further cord issues. It's going to be a long 4 months, but here's hoping at the end of it - a healthy baby girl will come into this world and into this loving family who are all praying for her safety.

Thursday, August 2, 2012

et voila

I didn't mean for it to have short sleeves, although that is one of the options on the pattern.. I just realised a few rows in that it wasn't knitting but gartering or whatever you call it! Regardless it'll be a warm layer over a white sleepsuit - lovely.

Wednesday, August 1, 2012

again

Gutted to say that I failed my road test for the second time this morning. Once again I was more than ready and yet did not make the cut. I felt devastated again.  This time more than a little angry also. When coming up to the intersection which has a stop sign, I slowed down ready to stop at the line, but the inspector on seeing me pass the stop sign braked for me yelling that I wasn't going to stop and there's a bus coming and that would have been the end of us yadda yadda.. it is a long intersection, and the same one that last time I pulled up to the line and paused, in the inspectors opinion too long when I could have gone. Feels like I can't do right for doing wrong. It does however feel very wrong that personal opinion of different inspectors takes over from the facts of safe and legal driving.  More points were given when we were driving down the street and she started yelling slow slow slow so I slowed right down from 20 to just above 10mph she then shouted at me that she had wanted me to parallel park back there... wouldn't the right thing to say have been "stop here I want to do a parallel park"? As I say can't do right for doing wrong. Another inspector on me stopping when they said slow would have said I shouldn't have stopped when they said slow because I could have caused an accident - sigh. So it is with a heavy heart I continue my day of cleaning and laundry. I feel like crawling in bed and sobbing myself to sleep - but with 4 small children I have to carry on as if nothing happened.  I will try again, but the next test date isn't until mid September, so another long wait and with it feelings of frustration and nervousness continue - ugh.