Every time a child says, "I don't believe in fairies," there is a fairy somewhere that falls down dead.
James Matthew Barrie, Peter Pan

Wednesday, July 30, 2014

Day Dreaming

So as I sit trying to do my work, right now I'm working on some Halloween hair pieces, I'm trying to zone out the loud bulldozer to the right of me and the constant hum of the ride on lawnmower to the left. My head is buzzing. I reconnected with a friend recently and told her this statement "I'm a city girl, I'm a country girl - but I'm definitely not a suburban girl". This really sums it up for me. When I'm in the city I love the constant noise, cars honking horns, police sirens wailing in the distance, people hustling about. 
And in the country I love the quiet, the wide open space, the freedom to do whatever you want without prying eyes on you. Here in suburbia the neighbors are always watching, the power mowers/blowers are always humming, the landscapers/religious extremists/busy bodies are always knocking.. well ringing, we have a doorbell after all! Where these houses were built used to be all woodland, so any hope I had of creating any kind of a garden here is dashed by the ever present deer families, tree roots and shade and of course the falling leaves and cattails. I do briefly flirt with village life. But it's more in the romanticized variety, and very much the English village or Bavarian style with peaked roofs, chimneys gently billowing, pennant banners hanging house to house in the summertime, village fairs and gatherings on the green. 
That kind of lifestyle doesn't exist outside of Europe. America is so brash to me still, even after almost eleven years here. I hate the strip malls, the big box stores, the chain restaurants, the general weirdness and craziness I encounter. I miss London, with it's history, architecture, and eclectic vibe. I miss my friends. I miss Scotland terribly, I miss my family, my brothers and Mother especially. When I was little I dreamed or day dreamed more like of having an American farmhouse, big red barn, paint horses. It was a big part of the shows I watched with my Grandma, the Waltons, all the old cowboy movies. I was reminded of this recently when an old school friend came back into my life, she told my Mum I always said I wanted a big house in the country in America. I know my husband will never move from the East coast, but I dream of big skies. Here I've had eight years of a busy street, garbage thrown in my garden, dirty streets, then almost 3 years in the trees.
Not the beautiful old oaks and maples, fat and round with low branches for playing, all we have here are 80 foot maples with high branches that sway unnervingly every time the wind catches them. I've seen too many trees on houses in this area to forget how much damage they can do. Having lived through Hurricane Sandy, and been terrified, I'll never look at these trees in a good light. I want wide open space, a few acres of fields, a couple of big old oak or maple trees that the kids can climb, and we can have a table under. But that's it. Living in the forest is ok for bears and those satisfied with paying their landscaper a few hundred a month, not for normal people. Especially not those who want a beautiful garden. We're off to Maine on a small vacation soon. It will be so good to have a break from this daily life. I can't wait to hear the ocean instead of bloody landscapers. Seagulls instead of Blue Jays. I often kick myself for moving to this house. All the things I love and need to be happy, that little checklist you have in your head, that went out the window when we bought this house. With school starting in a month, at least I have a distraction when we get back from Maine. I'm hoping for some good seasonal sales in my store too. And I know the time will come when we can move, this time for good. And his time my list will be checked in full.. and what isn't there we'll actually have the money to fix it, right there, no - we'll do it at some point, which you know is added to the never list. My day will come. This too shall pass. And just to add insult to injury the landscapers just arrived next door to start their weekly mow. Ahhh!

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